Real stories
I checked my face in the car mirror before dinner. My friend knew I'd been crying anyway.
Valediya almost canceled. What happened at her friend's kitchen table changed how she makes room for herself.
My friend knew I'd been crying before I even sat down.
I'd checked my face in the car mirror. Wiped under my eyes. Waited until I could speak normally.
I almost canceled dinner. I was tired, and being around someone who knew me well felt harder than being alone.
But she'd already made soup.
So I went inside, put my bag down, and started asking about her week.
She let me talk for a minute. Then she said, "Valediya. What's going on?"
I laughed a little. That uncomfortable laugh you do when you're trying to keep someone from being concerned.
"Nothing. I'm just tired."
She pulled out the chair beside her.
"Come sit."
And I couldn't hold it together anymore.
I remember trying to explain while barely being able to get the words out. How I was getting through every day, but everything felt harder than it used to.
Answering a message. Deciding what to cook. Making one more phone call.
I'd been avoiding people I loved because I didn't have the energy to pretend I was good company. Then I'd feel lonely and wonder why nobody was checking on me.
I knew how unfair that was.
I told her I'd snapped at someone that morning and spent the rest of the day hating myself for it.
They hadn't done anything wrong. They'd just asked me something while I was trying to do three other things.
I heard my own voice. Saw their expression change.
"When did I become so difficult to be around?"
That was the sentence I could barely say.
My friend reached across the table and held my hand.
I kept apologizing for crying over nothing.
She said, "Please stop calling it nothing."
I still think about that.
How quickly I dismissed my own feelings, even while I was sitting there shaking, trying to catch my breath.
She listened until I ran out of words. Then she warmed up my soup because it had gone cold.
Later that evening, she told me about milky oats.
She prepared herbs herself and offered to make me a little bottle. She explained what milky oats were—the young oat seeds harvested during the brief stage when they release a milky liquid.
A few days later, she came to my door carrying the bottle and a container of food.
There was a note tucked inside the bag.
I sat on the kitchen floor and read it twice.
I hadn't realized how often I waited until I felt better to speak to people. How many times I'd thought, "I'll call when I have something nice to say."
I'd been disappearing from my own friendships because I didn't want to be a burden.
The little bottle stayed on my kitchen shelf. I began setting aside a few minutes in the evening to follow the directions she'd given me and sit down with something to drink.
I stopped using those minutes to answer messages.
Sometimes I cried. Sometimes I called her and had nothing interesting to say.
She answered anyway.
I also started asking for help with things I normally would have quietly done myself. It felt uncomfortable. I wanted to take the requests back as soon as I made them.
But people helped.
Dinner got made without me. Something waited until tomorrow. Nobody was angry because I needed to sit down.
I can't separate the herb from everything else that was changing, and I wouldn't pretend it caused all of it.
What I remember most is finally allowing care into my day.
Eventually, I began looking for a ready-made milky oats tincture instead of relying on my friend to prepare another bottle.
That's how I found Kalos Health Spirit Soother—an alcohol-free formula made with fresh organic milky oats, organic vegetable glycerin, and distilled water.
It gave me an option I could order and a place to direct people who wanted to learn about milky oats. It was a different preparation from my friend's, so I needed to learn about that product on its own.
But whenever I think about how I first heard of milky oats, I think about her kitchen.
The soup going cold.
My embarrassment.
The relief of finally telling someone the truth and watching them stay.
I wish I could go back to the woman checking her face in the car mirror and tell her she didn't have to wait until she looked okay to go inside.
Her friend had already set a place for her.
For anyone wondering what helped me begin making room for myself, it was that friendship, asking for help, and setting aside a little time each day. If you're curious about the ready-made milky oats tincture I found, I'm leaving it here so you can read about it for yourself. 🤍
Kalos Health Spirit Soother
Alcohol-free milky oat tincture that supports a sense of calm.*
- Fresh organic milky oats (Avena sativa)
- Organic vegetable glycerin and distilled water
- 100% alcohol-free, naturally sweet taste
From $34.95$49.95
Secure checkout
*These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. This story reflects one person's experience. Talk to your healthcare provider before starting any new supplement, especially if you are pregnant, nursing, or taking medication.
Photos are illustrative stock images and do not show the people in this story.